I Need Help

Asking for and accepting help.  For most of us, it is not a difficult thing to do.  For some, however, it can be very challenging.  Some people have a mindset that by asking for help they will undermine their sense of independence or ability to cope.  They see it as a sign of weakness.

For some asking for help in our personal lives is more difficult than asking for help in our professional lives.  For others, it is exactly the opposite.  Various individual characteristics can “get in the way,” preventing people from asking for help.  Perhaps they doubt their ability to remain independent; they may be frightened of rejection; or they may be perfectionists, and by asking for help they believe they will be seen as less than perfect.  

Some believe that anyone who cannot handle all their own affairs is incompetent, so they will not reach out.  In the world of business, a person may believe that needing assistance represents lack of professionalism.  Due to upbringing or bad experiences in their lives, someone may have distrust issues.  They do not believe they can trust anyone to help them.

How we ask for help can make a huge difference as to whether we will receive the help we request.  Sometimes people “demand” help, rather than asking for it, perhaps believing they “deserve” assistance.  When presented in that manner, of course, they are less likely to receive the assistance they desire.

There are sometimes societal ideals that imply that seeking help is a sign of weakness.  For instance, in movies, books, etc. – even historical events - the hero is often portrayed as someone who faces crises after crises, but with no one’s help, they are able to overcome all problems.  What often is not shown in those movies and books is that the “star,” the leader, had help along the way, perhaps advice and support that was largely never acknowledged or mentioned.  Even Isaac Newton wrote, "If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants."

There is a tendency for many to believe that each of us “should” be able to cope with all obstacles in our way, manage completely on our own.  This is unrealistic, even unhealthy thinking.  No one knows everything, has every skill or talent, although I have met a few people who believe they do.  In fact, it is rather arrogant for a person to help others, but never ask for help in return.  These people will never learn about reciprocal give and take.  Everything we need to know is not on the internet, in books or in our heads.  

To enable us to seek help, we must be wise enough to know we have weaknesses, everyone does.  We must trust that there are people willing, even eager, to provide assistance.   Of course, we must be willing to provide help as well as accept it, but that is for another post.

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