Asking for and accepting
help. For most of us, it is not a
difficult thing to do. For some,
however, it can be very challenging.
Some people have a mindset that by asking for help they will undermine
their sense of independence or ability to cope.
They see it as a sign of weakness.
For some asking for help in our
personal lives is more difficult than asking for help in our professional
lives. For others, it is exactly the
opposite. Various individual characteristics
can “get in the way,” preventing people from asking for help. Perhaps they doubt their ability to remain
independent; they may be frightened of rejection; or they may be
perfectionists, and by asking for help they believe they will be seen as less
than perfect.
Some believe that anyone who
cannot handle all their own affairs is incompetent, so they will not reach
out. In the world of business, a person
may believe that needing assistance represents lack of professionalism. Due to upbringing or bad experiences in their
lives, someone may have distrust issues.
They do not believe they can trust anyone to help them.
How we ask for help can make a
huge difference as to whether we will receive the help we request. Sometimes people “demand” help, rather than
asking for it, perhaps believing they “deserve” assistance. When presented in that manner, of course,
they are less likely to receive the assistance they desire.
There are sometimes societal
ideals that imply that seeking help is a sign of weakness. For instance, in movies, books, etc. – even
historical events - the hero is often portrayed as someone who faces crises
after crises, but with no one’s help, they are able to overcome all
problems. What often is not shown in
those movies and books is that the “star,” the leader, had help along the way,
perhaps advice and support that was largely never acknowledged or
mentioned. Even Isaac Newton wrote,
"If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of
Giants."
There is a tendency for many to
believe that each of us “should” be able to cope with all obstacles in our way,
manage completely on our own. This is
unrealistic, even unhealthy thinking. No
one knows everything, has every skill or talent, although I have met a few
people who believe they do. In fact, it
is rather arrogant for a person to help others, but never ask for help in
return. These people will never learn
about reciprocal give and take.
Everything we need to know is not on the internet, in books or in our
heads.
To enable us to seek help, we
must be wise enough to know we have weaknesses, everyone does. We must trust that there are people willing,
even eager, to provide assistance. Of
course, we must be willing to provide help as well as accept it, but that is
for another post.
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