It seems that nearly every day we hear about someone killing a police
officer or police misconduct. I would
like to “lighten up” the police stories, so here are some transcripts of
recorded funny police quotes from around the country.
"Relax; the
handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear
them awhile."
"Take your
hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document."
"If you run,
you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run
faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average
speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't
know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on
the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you
can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I
mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You
want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you
another ticket."
"The answer to
this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey
Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You
want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat
cotton candy, and step in monkey do-do."
"Yeah, we have
a quota. Two more tickets and my wife will get a toaster oven."
"In God we
trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big
were those two beers?"
"No sir we
don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to
write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to
hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know
someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't
think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.”
***************
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