Posted
on August 20, 2013by Jim G.
Yes, it’s that magical time of
year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved
among us.
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber
revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it
worked.
And Now, The Honorable
Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in
Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping
around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting
negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for
an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with
his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at
an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he
was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in
the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was
simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before
he was hit.
6.. A man walked into a
Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When
the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted
some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a
New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called
911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him
in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,
that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime
column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at
5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The
frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to
siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a
hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to
find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A
police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline,
but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best
laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
In the interest of bettering
mankind, please share these with friends and family…. unless of course one of
these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long
lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain
lost.
*****Remember*****
They walk among us, they can reproduce.
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