What is a normal childhood? What is a normal family? What is a dysfunctional family?
I have heard friends tell me about the abuse
they suffered as children. A couple of
them were beaten, others were sexually abused by some family member, and still others
were verbally abused.
I have always said that I had a fairly “normal”
childhood. Back then, spanking was
acceptable, and I was spanked a few times, not beaten, spanked. My dad threatened to beat me with a belt, but
he never did. Is that verbal abuse?
I would say that when I was a young child, we
were at the low end of middle class. As
I grew up, by the time I was in my teens, we had moved more solidly into middle
class. My dad worked a few different jobs
throughout my childhood before eventually opening a wonderful, very successful
restaurant which he owned for 25 years before retiring.
We were able to take trips, and my dad made
them so much fun. Wherever we went, he
knew the history and stories to tell relating to our surroundings.
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My sisters both got involved with drugs for
several years, so there were some screaming matches between them and my
parents. There were years – particularly
when I and my sisters were in our teens - when there was a lot of drama in the
family, lots of yelling.
My dad worshipped my mother, so if any of us
kids did anything to hurt her, he exploded!
My dad had quite a temper when he was a young man, mellowing as he grew
older. He never beat us, but he threw
things and yelled a lot. Heaven forbid
if we woke him up on his day off!
My brother came along when I was 11 years old,
7 ½ years younger than my younger sister.
The family dynamics changed. We
all adored our baby brother. Because we
were all older than him, it was almost as though he was raised as an only child
by much more mature parents. And, he was
the only boy.
My older sister was married and out of the
house when my brother was only five, a few years later, I was married and gone,
then my younger sister married and was gone.
I never lived with my brother when he was a teenager, but I am certain
it wasn’t nearly as chaotic as when my sisters and I were teens.
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Many families I know are avid church goers, so
that is a large part of their childhood, and it certainly has to have an effect
on their family’s behavior. Because I grew
up in the 60’s, the “love generation,” I knew people who OD’d and died. I had
friends who did drugs, but I was never tempted for some reason. I grew up in
the same home as my sisters, but they were really “messed up” with drugs for
some years.
Today, the composition of a family is also
very different from years ago. Divorce
is much more common, so there are step parents and step children. There are parents of the same gender raising
children together, some getting married. (Nope, I will not touch the religious
or political aspects of this.) Since my
first husband died when my children were very young, I raised my own sons as a
single mom.
All these different family combinations are very
different than in generations past.
Right or wrong? Good or bad? Everyone has their own opinion on that. My opinion will remain my own.
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However, to return to my original questions, how
can we measure “normal?” Can normal mean
something completely different to you than it does to me?
Although there was some craziness in my
family, I still believe that I had a normal childhood. How about you?
To learn more about Julie Klein and her business, Xpress Healthcare, visit: http://julie.joinxpress.com
